Dec 24th

We had the nativity plays in church this morning.  And the children put on a great show.  They were funny and sweet and sang their little hearts out.   The whole church was proud of them - parents and grandparents, and those who had no children involved but are part of the family of the church.  We listened to the Christmas story and heard ' I'll give God me this Christmas, Im the best gift I can give'  We watched our gymnast flip and leap across the stage and our teenagers sing and dance.   We sang carols and prayed for persecuted Christians around the world.  And then we finished up with coffee and chocolate doughnuts and mince pies!   It was a lovely, festive, celebration.

And so Christmas 2012 is upon us.  The world didnt end on Friday, so there's no excuse!!  Its time to put the final touches to the presents, get that turkey sorted out and crack open a bottle of something (and perhaps sneakily open a box of chocolate something) as we flop exhausted into bed and wait for Santa to arrive.

It's not like the TV adverts.  At least not in our house.  Christmas lunch does not consist of three sorts of roast bird and six dozen types of veg and flaming homemade Christmas pudding ( except that this year it might cos Emma sent me one of her homemade puddings for Christmas - hooray!!!  thanks doll)  We dont all sit down and play a board game after lunch or go out for a bracing walk.   There wont be any snow. We wont be eating Ferrero Rocher and drinking champagne. :-)
The pressures on us to make it like this are ridiculous.   Resist the pressures.   Do what makes Christmas meaningful and enjoyable for you.  You and your family or just you yourself.

I have been blessed and amazed and humbled this year by how many people have told me they have read this blog and enjoyed/ been challenged/ felt in some way helped by it.  Thank you so much for reading.  Thanks for all your positive comments.  Im so happy if something I have said here has struck a chord.   The depression blog certainly did.  So many of you are in a similar boat and I wish you every blessing as you negotiate your own way through the fog.

We approach a New Year. For many of us 2012 hasn't been great and we shall be glad to leave it behind.  For others this has been a lovely year full of good things and many blessings.  If I have learned anything in my 46 years on the planet it is that life moves in seasons, that nothing lasts forever and that there is a bigger picture.  God loves us.  Passionately and totally.  He is working all things together for the good of those who love Him.  Sometimes we cant see it and we just have to trust.

Lord, thank you for Your wonderful and extravagant love expressed in the birth life and death of Jesus Your precious only Son.  Thank you for all the blessings and trials of this past year.  As I approach the next one would you hold my hand more tightly, speak to me more clearly and constantly infuse me with the knowledge that I am loved.  Bless me Lord and bless all who are dear to me. Protect us and keep us from harm. 
Oh, and Lord,
Happy birthday !

Dec 23rd

Luke 2:8-11

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah,the Lord.

Ever wondered why the first people to hear the news of the birth of the Messiah were shepherds?   Or technically more accurately homeless people.   They were living in the fields.  Very poor people living a nomadic existence with their scrawny scraggly sheep scratching a living from the sparse ground and moving with the sheep to find grazing wherever they could.   They probably weren't  at all educated, they possibly rarely visited the synagogue.  They were the very bottom of the heap.   But God chose to announce the arrival of the Messiah to these few  lowly vagabond nobodies.  And not just with an angel looking like a person trotting up and telling then the news.  But with glory and singing and multitudes and a terrifying light display which must have seemed like the end of the world or something.

Why?   Why them?

Well, Im guessing here..... but maybe because God knew they would believe it.   These simple souls with little theology or education or expectation to get in the way believed what they were told.   

And maybe because God loves the simple, uneducated, homeless wanderers.  The disadvantaged poor.   maybe they were the ones for whom He came in the first place and He wanted them to be the first to hear.    Yes, of course the news was for the whole world  ' joy for all the people'.   But it seems that the joy starts with the downtrodden and ripples its way out to ' all the people' from that starting point.     An unmarried girl, some shepherds, some fishermen and tax collectors, some prostitutes and women.... and then gradually to people like Nicodemus and Paul and the Roman Centurion.    Yes, there were wise men who brought expensive gifts and who had access to the court of King Herod.  And they were there to represent the other end of the spectrum of humanity I suppose.    But it was the shepherds who got there first and who were the first to recognise that the ordinary looking baby boy in the feeding trough was the Messiah.

Let us never say that God can't speak to us. Won't use us. That we are nobody and He will pass over us in favour of someone more eloquent or educated or qualified.    That's not how God works. 

 “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.  ( Is 57 15)

Lord sometimes I count myself out.  I disqualify myself and think Im not good enough.  I think you will speak to someone better than me, use someone more mature than I am.  What do I have that you could possibly use or want or need?    Forgive me Lord when I think like this.  Thank you that you are a God who speaks to shepherds and kings, who uses children and prophets, who sets up world leaders but knows how many hairs are on my head.   God you are amazing and wonderful and I want to thank you that I dont need to be anything other than the person you have made me to be.

Dec 22nd Giving

A friend of mine has just taken delivery of a new guitar.    Not just any guitar.  This one was hand built for her.  She went to choose the piece of wood from which it was to be carved.  It has been designed and made to her exact specification and she has paid a fortune for it.   But she is over the moon now that she finally has it in her hands after months of waiting.   Its like a new baby.

I made some comment on her facebook page about it not becoming an idol -  I was joking.  Karen is a worship leader and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that her new guitar will be used to lead people into Gods presence and to worship Him for years, maybe decades to come.
But it did get me thinking   - what would Karen do if God just told her to give her new guitar to someone?   This new pride and joy.   The thing for which she has saved up and then helped design and waited patiently for.   This once in a lifetime extravagant gift to herself.    What if God said '  OK Karen, time to give it away' ?

Have you ever been challenged to give something?   I dont mean christmas and birthday presents or passing on something we no longer need.   I mean have you ever felt a prompting to give what you could not afford.  Give away something very very precious to you?   Give when you really could have done with being on the receiving end yourself??     I have.   And I know a few others who have too.

Just the other week I stumbled into a conversation with a couple in church.  I know they are struggling financially and have been for a while.   Life is very tight for them and they have to go without things which most of us would take for granted.  The do their own household repairs cos they cant afford to get anyone in to do them...... they drive an old car and when it needs to be fixed its always a pressure.    But they have a strong and amazing faith and have seen God provide for them time after time in amazing ways.   Last week they felt God had told them to give a financial gift to someone else in church.    I have no idea how much it was - but I know that however much they probably couldnt afford it.  They were joyful in the giving - excited and delighted at the thought that they would be blessing someone else.   Wonderful stuff

Jesus loves the attitude which understands that everything we have comes from God and therefore we can give freely knowing and trusting that He will supply all our needs.   The widow's mite was more valuable than the thousands given by those to whom it made no difference.

God knows what it is like to give the most precious and valuable thing He had.   His own son.
Karen might find it very hard to give away her guitar if God asked her to - but I know her and she would probably do it.   Were God to ask her to give away her only son............  well that would be a different story.  Her son was a miracle baby who came after years of trying to conceive.  He is an adult now,   he has brought her much joy.   Would she be able to give him up if God asked her to?   Like Abraham would I be able to lay Sam or Josh or Ben on the altar and say ' God, you do what you want to do with him'?
Theoretically we can all say that our children are a gift from God and that they are His.   But in reality........

And yet this is what God does for us. He gives us a gift.  The most valuable and precious, unique and prized gift He could possibly give.  The gift of His own son.   So that we could know who God is and what He is like, so that we could be forgiven of our sins, fall in love with Him be adopted by Him and be called His sons and daughters too.


Lord, this Christmas as we give and receive gifts please help our giving not to be superficial and worthless.  Help us to listen to You and follow your promptings so that we might give what is truly required.   Help us to see the needs around us and respond.   You are a giving loving God.  We want to be more like you.  Thank you for the most precious and costly gift of all - your son Jesus.  As we look at our own children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews this Christmas may we be ever more grateful at the depth of Your love for us.

Dec 21st

Reading Luke chapter 2.   Hardly need to read it really because it is that passage which is so well known that most of us could recite it in our sleep

And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out.........and she brought forth her first born son, and wrapped him in swaddling bands......now there were in the same country shepherds.......

I find it hard to read this chapter and not just skim over it with eyes glazed.   Familiarity breeds contempt  etc.  We know what is coming next.  We have heard it before so many times... so today I am going to do my best to read with fresh eyes and see what new thoughts might come.

Decree to all the world.  ALL?  Even if this means all the Roman world we are still talking a humungous enormous gigiantic operation.   Estimates say that when Jesus was born the Roman empire probably encompassed around 50 million people.  ( 20% of the world's population) and of those around half lived in the countryside outside major cities.

So when Joseph and Mary upped sticks to go to be registered there were 25 million people on the move.  What an astonishing and amazing upheaval.   Obviously they werent all on the roads at the same time in the same countries going to the same places.........but nevertheless it must have been somewhat chaotic.
Nazareth to Bethlehem is 80 miles.    On a donkey.  With a very very pregnant Mary.   That is a long way.
Its London to Peterborough.  Which, if you walked it non stop you could do in 28 hours ( according to Google maps)   With a pregnant wife on a donkey it must have taken four or five days.  Maybe longer.

Ive been pregnant.  I found it hard to sit in the car for half an hour at the end of my pregnancies, let alone sit on a donkey on dirt tracks,  in bandit country, with no bed and breakfast booked for the night.  Nightmare.
And the thing is that Mary could probably have stayed at home.  I cant imagine that she actually needed to go at all.  Joseph was the one who needed to register.

But if he had gone - albeit he would have made faster progress and been back within the week - he would have missed the birth.   They must have known she was due any day.  Maybe she was ten days overdue like I was and the size of a house and having constant backache and twinges and braxton hicks contractions.   What discussions must have gone on beforehand ?  Did Mary plead to go with him because she didnt want to be apart from Joseph.   Or did she plead to be left at home and he persuaded her to make the journey??   What did they say to God?   If it had been me I would have been moaning long and loud about the timing of this census and why couldn't the baby have arrived a week earlier etc etc etc     And how terrified must they have been of the repercussions from Rome that they didnt just decide to show up late for the census or chance missing it altogether.

Luke doesnt say much about the arrival at Bethlehem and the no room at the inn thing.  But we know that Jesus was born in a stable - which was likely to have actually been the spare room of someones house which    was housed in a sort of gallery arrangement over the place where the livestock was kept.   This would have been the warmest room in the house. Not terribly fragrant possibly.... :-)    And it might have had food troughs built into the floor or walls which would have made an idea bed for the baby.

You cant take much with you on a donkey.  No Pampers.  No suitcase full of baby gros.  just a change of clothes for the adults probably.  There is not likely to have been a midwife in attendance - although with Bethlehem being packed out there were probably experienced women about who would have lent a hand.
No sisters or mother there to offer moral support.  Just Mary in a strange place with her not yet husband going through the most terrifying process known to womankind.  No drugs.  No epidural.  No doctors on hand if things went wrong.    She will have been exhausted from the travelling which probably brought the labour on.  Who knows how long she had to labour for.   First babies can take two days of pain and  pushing and grunting to get out.   Poor Mary.

I wonder if Jesus made it onto the census.  I wonder if Joseph went to put his name down before or after the baby was born.

Theres much more to think about in these well trodden Bible paths if we just take a moment to try to imagine ourselves there.

Lord, this Christmas help me to pause for a while to really really think about what happened all those years ago.   About the hardship and sacrifice endured by Mary and Joseph as they brought you into this world.  Of the truly difficult and humble beginning you had.  Let us not glaze over as we hear the stories and sing the carols again.   But impress us with new understanding, show us new truth.  Speak in new ways. So that this Christmas we can say we have seen more of You.   Amen

Dec 20th

This is a poem written by a poet friend of mine - Tony.   He wouldnt call himself a Christian but his wife is and he thinks long and hard about matters of faith.   I love this view of the birth of Jesus

Nativity

The hard and beaten earthen floor,
Spread with the dry fodder of kine,
Had to form your natal bed.
The only place you could recline.

And as your body tensed with pain,                                  
In anguish and in mortal fear,
Your mother was your only wish;
But all you had was one man near.  

The man himself a frightened soul
Who helped as you laboured in birth,
Nervous of the mess and blood
That stained the floor of beaten earth.                    

He held the wet and bl**dy child.
You waited for the babe to cry
And when it did you felt relief,
Undid your raiment with a sigh.

The man then placed the infant child
Against your heavy well filled breast
And wrapped your clothing over you
And told you that you needed rest.

In the squalor of that place
You felt despair and so alone.
You wept and wondered why it was
This had to happen far from home.

You would have wept more bitter tears
If you had known in future years
The babe you held against your breast
Would only live for thirty years.

The strangest thing about this tale,
A fact that I find very odd
Is that the birth and death described  
Is counted as a gift from God.

When I asked Tony if I could share this he was a little surprised because he thought I might be offended by the last verse.   But I am not at all.   I agree that if you look at the life of Jesus it hardly seems like a gift from God.  It seems cruel of Him to subject His own son to a birth, life and death like this.   It makes God a cold sadistic father doesnt it? 

Well, only if God demands this from His son.  If Jesus has no choice in the matter then yes, God is mean.  But thats not what the Bible tells us.

¹⁷ “The Father loves me because I am willing to give up my life, in order that I may receive it back again. ¹⁸ No one takes my life away from me. I give it up of my own free will. I have the right to give it up, and I have the right to take it back.  ( John 10) 

Jesus is not coerced by God into this plan for salvation.  He is a willing volunteer.   He gladly leaves the throneroom of heaven to be born in a stable and to live in obscurity for 30 years and then die a gruesome death.  He does it because He knows it is the only way to buy mankind out of the mess they have got themselves into.  He does it because He loves His Father and sees the heartbreak God experiences when His creation is far from Him.   He does it because He knows and loves every single one of us.   It is a willing sacrifice.  And therefore it truly is a gift.


Lord, thank you that it was all for love.  A willing sacrifice.  An amazing truth. May we grasp it more profoundly this Christmas
Amen

Depression and the Road Back Dec 19th

Yesterday Ben ( 7) said something about me being a happy person.  Which was very nice to hear.  But it took me right back to last Christmas when I have a very distinct memory of all three boys sitting round the kitchen table one mealtime asking me why I never smiled and why I was always sad.

They were right - I was always sad and last Christmas I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed.  I was in a very bad place.    It had been a slow slide quite probably going all the way back to Sam being born in 2001.   I certainly found having three babies in five years very difficult.  I hated being pregnant and was very probably postnatally depressed after each birth.  I was unslept for five years solid.  Which is seriously not good for ones mental health.  Keith and I were distant.  My friends were mostly in England and the two friends I had over here moved away so I was very isolated.   Most of 2011 was spent just hanging on by the fingernails.   By the end of last year I had spent six months wondering how I could kill myself and not traumatise my kids.   I was very angry all the time and the anger came out at the kids and Keith   I took up running in an attempt to get some exercise - but I hated it and it seemed to have no effect on my mood at all despite the fact that at the height of my active phase I was running three miles a day.

 Things finally came to a head in November and I went to the doctor.  He listened and understood and told me that I might not, in fact, be a nutcase, but that I might be menopausal or pre menopausal.   He told me that my symptoms were totally consistent with being depressed and presecribed anti depressants.    I felt ten tonnes lighter walking out of the surgery.   Just having someone listen and understand and be helpful was SUCH a relief.

I started taking the pills.  And I started to feel better.  Bit by bit.

Its funny cos you dont really realise how bad things have got until they start to get better.  I had thought I was coping, more or less.  But once the pills started to kick in I could see that for a long time I had not been able to live in the present.  I was constantly reviewing my past and asking myself - did I make a mistake?  Should I have got married, moved to Ireland, had kids, given up work etc etc etc.   Or if I wasnt in the past I was way into the future.  Wondering how I was going to make it through till the kids leave school, till Keith retires, etc etc.  How was I going to face twenty years of housework.  A lifetime of feeling lonely ?  And so it went on in my head. Day after day.   Only when the pills started to take effect and I came back into the present again was I able to see what had been happening so slowly over a long period of time.

Ive been taking the pills every day for a year now.  And Im still seeing improvements in my mental health.  So are my kids. :-)  hence the delight at Ben commenting today that I am a happy Mummy.
My circumstances havent changed.  I still hate housework and still fear the next twenty years of my life might be spent picking up socks.   I still feel isolated with most of my best friends being hundreds of miles away.   I still wonder what its all about some days.   But in my head I have regained perspective.  There are now good days.  I am not constantly stressed and it has been months since Ive had a headache because Ive spent all day with my teeth gritted.  Ive found hope again

Now, I have to also stress that throughout the past year, people who know have been praying.   Not many people have known..... but there has been prayer and there has been concern and support.   Its strange, because despite being depressed I never lost my belief that God was there.  He never stopped speaking to me and I didnt stop praying for other people and doing all the God things I usually do.  I just couldnt really believe that He was going to change anything for me.  I was blind to any possibility of change for  me.   For anyone else - no problem.  Just not for me.

Depression is a lie.  It gets into your head and tells you lies.  You cant help but listen - and the more you listen the worse the lies get.  Downwards spiral.  Eventually the lies tell you the world will be better off without you.  And you believe it.

I felt strongly today that I had to share this story on the blog.  It has nothing to do with Advent - except of course that it does.   Because 2000 years ago there was no possibility of change, no hope of salvation.......but God broke in.  He did something practical - rolled up His sleeves and came down.  Changed everything.

If you are feeling depressed I strongly strongly urge you to get to a doctor and talk it through.  You will not be laughed out of the surgery.  You will not be wasting anyones time.  It takes guts and most people are at the very bottom before they pluck up the courage.  Medication is not a cure all.   It doesn't solve real problems.   But in my experience it can really help to restore balance and get the problems into some sort of perspective.  And tell someone.  Talk about it.   I have been amazed this past year as I have started to share all of this how many people have quietly confessed that they too have been struggling.  Really struggling.   And just talking about it and knowing you are not alone really helps.

Dear Lord,
Christmas can be a very tough time.  A lonely and sad time.  A difficult time for relationships.  A financially crippling time.  Thank you that You care.  Thank you for medicines which can help restore the balance when our brains have become overwhelmed.  Thank you for doctors and friends and ministers and therapists who will listen to us and support us as we struggle with depression.  I ask that You would bless every person reading this with mental health and spiritual wellbeing.  Help us to be more willing to ask for help than we are to listen to lies.   Amen

Dec 18th

Im not very well prepared.   For Christmas.  For Sunday when Im leading the worship at the family/nativity/christmas service.  For tomorrow teatime.  For anything really.   Not very well prepared.

Sometimes spontaneity is wonderful and productive and anointed.  But mostly it pays to be ready, rehearsed, on the ball.  Mostly the better prepared we are the better we shall do at whatever task we are attempting.
Im constantly nagging at Sam to make sure he has all the right books with him for school. the right homework done, the right sports kit....... not because I enjoy being a nag ( honestly I don't!!)  but because I want his life to be as hassle free as possible.  And going to school without the right stuff leads to stress and trouble and tears.

John the Baptist was sent to ' nag' the world into getting ready.  The New Testament writers refer to the fact that he was prophesied in the Old Testament

Luke 3:4-5, "As it is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet, saying, The voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be brought low; and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough ways shall be made smooth."  

Why did the world need to get ready and what did it need to do?
Well Jesus was coming.  And the sins of the people were going to stop them from being able to recognise Him as the Messiah when He came.   People were wearing dark glasses - glasses of greed and envy and malice and pride, of adultery and theft and murder and hatred.  They were not going to be able to see clearly enough unless they repented of their sins and took off those lenses.

 Hebrews 12:14 tells us, "...holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord."

And it is the same today as it was 2000 years ago.  People still cant see Jesus.  And the answer is the same now as it was then.   Repent. Give up your sinful ways.  Say no to living your own life by your own rules...... its not getting you anywhere.  Leave that life down.  Bury it in the waters of baptism.  And when you have set it down take another look at Jesus.  You will find you can suddenly see Him for who He really is - the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world  


Lord, this Christmas I want to see past the tinsel and the mince pies and the presents.  I want to see You.
Prepare me Lord.  Bring down the mountains, raise up the valleys, make straight the crooked places so that You can come easily in.  Help me to set down each and every filter and dark lense which would obscure my view.  Fill my vision Lord.   Amen

Dec 17th

One of my favourite songs - take 3.5 minutes to listen watch and wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFkM_R3CZvI


Lord, You who made the heavens and the earth, made me and everything and everyone I know, as this year draws to a close help me to focus.  Give me vision and direction for a New Year.  Rekindle passion in my spirit.  Amen

Dec 15th

More children killed in a school shooting.

When you have children at primary school yourself it doesnt take much imagination to be able to put yourselves in the shoes of those parents, families, friends.  That community.   The family of the gunman who have lost at least two people and will now have to forever live with the horror.    What a nightmare

‎"A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more." Matthew 2:18, cf. Jeremiah 31:15

Im sure that all of us who are old enough to remember it were instantly taken back to Dunblane and the trauma of that moment when we in the UK realised that it can happen anywhere at any time.  Even in a sleepy Scottish town, minding its own business in a country with gun laws where this sort of thing just does not happen.    And those of us who know the Bible story may also reflect on the actions of Herod 2000 years ago who, in a fit of jealous rage, ordered the death of all male infants across his whole kingdom - who knows how many deaths ?   History says it never happened.  The Bible says it did.   Having seen once again today the lows to which humanity can stoop I am sadly more than willing to believe the Bible.

God has an enemy.  His name is Satan.  He hates children with a passion because he knows all their potential for good and how powerfully God can use them if He has access to their lives.   The Bible tells us that Satan prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour.  Today that person was a troubled young man who had access to a gun. 

And where was God?  Was He hiding behind a table terrified?  Was He busy elsewhere and where he turned back to look ........   was He unable to intervene, powerless in the face of evil?  

No

He was right there, with those kids and teachers as they died.  Standing in front of each of them and asking them if they would like to go with Him.   Standing there with holes in his hands and His feet saying ' Its OK.   Death is not the end.  Look, I have been through it.  Follow me'

And where is He now?

He is with the parents who have lost their children.  Reaching out to them saying ' I know how it feels to have my innocent child slaughtered.   My heart has been broken.  I understand your grief.  Let me comfort you, let me speak to you.  Death is not the end'.

Lord we join with the millions who are praying right now for the situation in Sandy Hook Elementary School, and for those in Dunblane and Columbine and other places who have been reminded of their own losses once again.   We know that You comfort those who mourn and pray that Your comfort would be received by each heart that is devastated today.  Thank you that You sit in heaven with holes in your hands, feet and side - you understand physical pain and suffering.   You did not deserve to die either.  And yet You chose to die so that death could be defeated and eternity could be ours.  I pray that as You stood before each of those dying children and teachers their eyes were opened to see You, they heard Your call and took Your hand.
May we too, when our turn comes, put our trust in the One who loves us to death and say ' Yes Lord'.

Dec 16

There is something going round my head at the moment.   It is something to do with First Aid.
I saw the Vinnie Jones advert today -  how to do cardiac massage to the tune of Staying Alive.   And then the other day on the radio was a debate about teaching children lifesaving techniques in school.  Then on Facebook I read an article about what to do if you have a heart attack and you are on your own   ( You cough. Deep and regularly until help arrives)

God seems to be drawing my attention to First Aid.   How to save a life.  Maybe I need to do a refresher course because it's been about twenty years since I did any first aid.   Maybe I should tell you the story ....  are you sitting comfortably?  Then I'll begin.

It was my birthday.  August 21st.  I was living in Portobello by the sea in Scotland and my car needed to be serviced.  It was booked in first thing so I drove it to the garage and because it was a beautiful warm sunny morning I opted to walk back along the beach.  Quite a distance, but I wasnt in any hurry  ( it must have been a Saturday - no work)   The beach was totally deserted except for a pinprick figure in the far distance which I made out was an adult and small child who were coming towards me.   I walked along happily enjoying the sun on the sea and thinking about nothing in particular.  The other two were coming closer and I could now see they were grandfather and small grandchild.   And then, at the same moment, we both saw something in the water.  And in a split second I realised it was a person.  And they were face down in the water.   The grandad must have seen him at the same time because we both started to run towards the drowning man.   He was wearing swimming trunks and was floating in about three inches of water just a couple of feet from the edge of the beach.   I ran in and the grandad and I took and arm each and we pulled him up onto the beach.  There was a second when I wondered how long he had been there and what we were going to find when we flipped him over.   But we turned him and thats when I started yelling at him to breathe in the name of Jesus.  And I was praying in tongues frantically and rebuking death and commanding life to come into him.   Grandad was looking at me as though I was mad.  The little girl was crying.   Grandad then shouted at me to go and get help  ( days before mobile phones :-) )  and it was then I realised we were miles from anywhere.   But the bus depot backed onto the promenade so I sprinted up the bank, jumped the fence and went to find a phone.   There was a man with a huge machine and ear defenders on who looked at me and couldnt hear me yelling for a phone.  He pointed towards and office and I burst in and told the two men who were sitting at a desk that someone had drowned and to call the ambulance.  One guy immediately jumped up and sprinted down to the beach and started to do mouth to mouth.    Oddly it had not occurred to me to try this.

The tide was coming in.  We kept having to drag the guy further up the beach.  The police arrived within about two minutes and were brilliant.   I knew the man was dead.  He was dead cold.  I had never encountered a dead person before. But I knew he was dead.   The ambulance crew confirmed he was dead but said they would continue cpr until they got to hospital.  I gave a statement to the police and when they asked me what I had done at the moment I found the man, I said I had prayed and told the police lady that I believed in miracles.

I went home.  Felt numb.  It was not a great birthday

Three days later my boss at work came in with a cutting from the local paper.   It said that a man had died that day in hospital after having been pulled out of the sea the previous weekend.   I was stunned.   I was sure he would have been dead on arrival at hospital.   Had my prayers actually brought him back??    Then later that day I got a phonecall from his daughter thanking me for trying to help her Dad.   He had been an epileptic and had gone for a morning swim, and had a fit in the water.  He was alive when he reached hospital and although he did not regain consciousness his family were able to be with him when he passed away.   His daughter was very grateful that we had found him and I was able to tell her that I had been praying for him as I had pulled him out of the water.

It was after this that I went on a first aid course.  And I decided that I was going to pray for every and any dead person I meet.   So far Ive prayed for one other.  No miracles yet but........

So why did I tell you all that?  Ummmmm....... Im not sure.  Except that there is more than one way to save a life.  And more than one life to save.   My drowned man had a physical life, which was lost, and a spiritual life.........who knows if that was lost or saved?  First aid might have saved his physical life had we got there sooner I suppose.   But it would not have saved his 'real life'.  Would not have assured him of an eternal life with God.  Only faith in Jesus can do that.

Lord thank you that lives are being saved by the first aid campaigns on the television at the moment.  We all need to know what to do in an emergency.  But Lord, remind us that there is a greater emergency going on all around us all the time.  People are dead in their spirits.  Separated from You and disconnected from the source of eternal life.   Just as we would leap into action to try to save a dying man Lord, let us not hold back from offering the message of eternal life to those who are destined for a dead eternity.

Dec 14th

Do not be afraid Mary for you have found favour with God - Luke 1: 30

So here she is, this little peasant girl.  Nobody particularly special, although she was related to a temple priest.   She was living in Nazareth which is presumably where she was born.   We dont know anything much about her prior to the visit from the angel Gabriel apart from the fact that she was engaged to be married to Joseph a carpenter who could trace his family line back to King David.

That's it.  It would appear that there is nothing to mark Mary out as special.  She was just an ordinary girl living an ordinary life as far as we can tell.   And yet the angel Gabriel walks into her house one day and tells her that she has found favour with God..

That word favour  (carij in the original text) is translated as  ' the merciful kindness of God' but with a sense of joyfulness about it.

it carries the notion of sweetness, charm, loveliness, joy, delight, like words of grace, Lu 4:22, growing grace, Eph 4:29, with grace, Col 4:6. The notion of kindness is in it also, especially of God towards men as here.

so perhaps a better translation would be something like  ' Dont be afraid Mary, God delights and rejoices in being kind and He wants especially to show His merciful kindness to you'

God's favour is something I have pondered many times over the years.  I think it is something we cannot earn  and do not always experience.  But there are times in our lives when we know we are living in a place of His favour.  His kindness is over everything.  We sense His sweetness and charm and loveliness permeating our decisions and relationships and circumstances.   I distinctly remember a time in my life when I was working as a Social Worker in Scotland.  I was driving to work one day along the Edinburgh City Bypass and I had such a strong feeling that God has His hand on my head - blessing me - and that I was living in the realm of His favour.   I felt that everything I touched, asked for, did at that time was being mightily blessed.  It was truly wonderful, undeserved and precious.

I often pray that God will give people favour for me. That He will take some of the delight and sweetness which is His nature and drop it into a specific person's heart towards me.   I have got a couple of jobs on the strength of praying this before job interviews :-)   I have also avoided potentially damaging conflicts by praying this.   God's favour, His mercy and kindness, can change people's hearts towards us.

Lord, thank You that you delight in being kind and showing mercy.   Thank you that you chose Mary - a simple girl who as far as we know was nobody special - and lavished your favour on her.   Help me to believe that in just the same way You want to show your favour to me.  All the time, every day.   I pray for all those I know who are struggling in the run up to Christmas and ask that your grace and favour would abound to them and that they would have the sense of Your mighty hand resting on every aspect of their lives.   And as your favour brought to birth the Saviour of the world in a young girl 2000 years ago, may Your favour bring to birth all Your purposes for me today, this Christmas and  all the days of my life   Amen

Dec 13th

Ive just been reading the account of Gabriel's appearance to Zacharias in Luke 1.

Zac is an elderly gent.  He is described as being 'righteous before God, walking blameless in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord'  (v6)  He and his wife Elizabeth have faithfully served God, done nothing wrong and yet they are childless.......a matter of great shame in the culture of the time.   How often must they have prayed over the course of their lives together ?  Asked and begged and pleaded with God for a baby.  How often must they have had to watch friends having babies and felt that pain of it not being them?  How scrutinised and judged must they have felt as people speculated about the reasons for their evident infertility?   For years and years.  Day in day out.  Misery and pain.

And then, one day long long long after any hope or possibility had so far vanished it was not funny - an angel appears.   Not to Elizabeth, interestingly.  To Zac.  Dad.  Priest.  Whilst he was in the temple worshipping.
Zac was understandibly terrified ( which seems to be the usual response when confronted by an angel !)
¹³ But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zachariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. ¹⁴ He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, ¹⁵ for he will be great in the sight of the Lord.

And then Zac is struck dumb and goes home to his wife - unable to explain to her what has happened.  How annoying must that have been?!!!  For both of them. And lo and behold, shortly thereafter Elizabeth conceives, despite being ' well advanced in years'

I suppose I have always assumed that Elizabeth and Zacharias would have been delighted by the news.  But actually, thinking about it.......I'm not so sure.   They had prayed for years - suffered all the shame and hardship of being childless, struggled on and got through to a place where they were now elderly and probably relatively content with their lot.  All the days of hoping and praying and wishing and regretting were behind them.   And then in their old age all of a sudden they are expected to be parents.   Do the sleepless night thing, the teething thing, the toddler thing.   Suffer the stares and questions and amazement of the whole community once again.   Im not sure I would have been too chuffed to be honest

God's timing eh?   Thirty or forty years earlier might have been perfect for Elizabeth...... but a baby in your sixties or seventies???     Why?

Im not sure why.   But the thing that strikes me from this story is that God did answer their prayers.  Just not when they asked Him to. 

Long after they had stopped asking and believing their prayers were still on God's ' to do' list.  How many of the prayers I have prayed and not yet seen answered are also ' pending' ?  How much do I long to hear God say ' hey, dont stress - your prayer has been heard'  ?

I remember many years ago talking to a very old lady who had been a christian for decades.  I asked her if she would pray with me about some ongoing issue - I cant remember what it was now.  But I do remember her reply  'Oh, Ive already prayed about that.  And God has heard.  So there is no point in asking again.  He is on the case '

Lord, as we think about the circumstances surrounding your birth we reflect on the mystery of your timing.  We dont understand why You sometimes make us wait.....why sometimes Your timing seems odd.  Why sometimes the answer is not what we expected.  But I thank you that no prayer goes unheard.  You are working all of history together in ways we cannot understand.  Help us to trust that Your ways are higher than ours and are perfect.  Help us to believe that You are listening and have heard every prayer as You work all things together for our good.

December 12th

Im watching Heston Blumenthal - the mad scientific chef who uses nitrous oxide in his kitchen like I used self raising flour.   He is currently doing a TV series about spectacularly big food.  So far he has made the worlds largest cup of tea and digestive biscuits.  The world's largest 99 ice cream cone and tonight he is attempting a gigantic packed lunch.  Complete with Hula Hoops and a massive Kit Kat

The reason why Heston has become a household name is that he thinks outside the box.   He looks at what has always been done and says ' lets see if we can do that differently'.    He is not afraid to fail - in fact he fails all the time and he must waste tonnes of food in the process.   But he learns from his mistakes and in the end pushes the boundaries of what is possible, to create never-before-created culinary delights, experiences and flavours.

Last weekend I was away with some of the ladies from church for a retreat type thing.  House by the sea, good food, some worship, some bible teaching, some chill time.   Nice.   On Saturday afternoon I remembered I had my painting stuff with me in the car so I brought it in and asked if anyone wanted to join me in painting for a while.  Melanie, the pastor's wife, declined saying she couldn't paint and would never be able to.   I said that I thought anyone could paint if they were shown how to and given a bit of help.   She was persuaded to give it a go.  I gave her a simple picture to copy, showed her how to get started and off she went.   Half an hour later - with a small amount of help, but mainly just cheering from the sidelines- she had produced a lovely painting of a dove.  Which looked like a dove.  And with which she was immensely pleased.
She went home from the weekend and told her husband that she is now an artist!

The moral of the story is that we are all constrained by.......well.....constraints!  We allow how things have always been to define how they will be in the future.   We believe that things will never change.   That we are who we are and that's that.   We dont see past the obvious.  We dont think out of the box, and we are terrified of failing.
The Bible says ;

Lord, thank you that You are not constrained by anything and that You live in me.   Thank you that You are infinitely creative , tireless and overflowing with plans, ideas and vision for humanity.   Forgive me when I settle for the status quo.  When I am lazy and lethargic rather than courageous and innovative.  When my fear of failure holds me back from doing the thing You are asking me to do.    May I constantly be discovering new things about myself, my world and You.  Help me to think big and give me the confidence to act on the big vision You give me.   Amen

Dec 11th

For so many people I know this Christmas is going to be very difficult.

I have a friend who is facing his first Christmas alone following divorce, another two who very probably will be spending their last Christmas with a loved one.  Bill and Karen are without their beautiful daughter Amy who died a few weeks ago.  Janice and Bill will quite probably be facing a morphine dosed pain filled day like every other.  Geoff and his wife are worrying about their daughter whos kidney transplant might be failing.  Harry's wife has been given three months to live.  Mark is suffering a crisis of faith and cant see the point in carrying on..... and so it goes on.  There is depression and financial hardship and emotional distress.  Christmas just seems to rub it all in doesnt it?   It is supposed to be a celebration, a family time, fun.   But for many it isnt, wont be, cant be.

The central message of Christmas is that God cares.  He knows and understands - not just as an onlooker, observer, bystander - but because He came to participate fully in our human experience from cradle to grave.   He was born into poverty, was a refugee and homeless, lived in an occupied country.  He grew up working hard with his hands in the family business. He had siblings, relatives, friends who got sick and died and for whom He grieved bitterly.     He knew what it was like to be unmarried in a society where everyone was married.  He was tormented in his mind to the point that he sweat drops of blood.  He suffered being misunderstood, falsely accused, tortured and crucified in front of his own mother. And finally He felt utterly abandoned by God.

Jesus knows

And Jesus cares.   He didn't just come as some divine experiment to ' see what it was like and report back'   He came to live and die among us to make it right again.

God is totally righteous.  Like a white sheet of paper.  No spot or mark or stain.   We are not totally righteous.  If we come near to God we shall put a smudge on that white piece of paper and He will no longer be holy and pure and righteous.   Problem.   What to do??  We need to be washed clean - but washed in something holy and righteous - something with the power to remove all sins and stains and dirt.    the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.  1 John 1: 6-8

That thing is the blood of a sinless man.  Jesus.  Who died in our place, who took the punishment for all our wrongdoings and who washes us clean so that we can come close to God.  And THIS is the good news of Christmas    


Bill and Karen and Harry and Mark and Janice and Bill - and all of my dear friends who are having such a difficult time this Christmas can all know the huge comfort and security and peace and love of being on the same page as God.   Of being encompassed by Him.  Of being so close to Him that despite all the difficulties of their circumstances they can hear His voice, listen to His heartbeat, feel His comfort. Know His love.

Lord , today we pray for all those we know who are dreading Christmas.  We pray for your comfort and strength, for Your blessing and peace.   Let them know that You understand and care.   Help them to  embrace the sacrifice you made for them and fully experience that miracle of being on the same page as God, creator of the universe, lover of our souls.    Thank you that when You came as a baby 2000 years ago this was the plan all along.  We are so deeply grateful that You saw it through Lord and finished what You started by shedding your holy precious blood to make us clean.

Dec 10th

'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;  before you were born I sanctified you ; and I ordained you a prophet to the nations'  Jeremiah 1 :5

 I was ' talking' to one of the new babies in Church this morning.  Isabel.  She is about four months old - a tiny bundle of smiling toothless helplessness in her Mum's arms.  Gorgeous.   But utterly dependent and vulnerable.    And yesterday I heard that another of the young women in church is expecting her third baby next year.  That will be five babies born to our congregation in the course of a year!!   Must be something in the water  :-)  

 I can never ponder long on the meaning of Christmas without coming back to the miracle of birth.  And in particular the astonishing thing that God did in becoming an embryo in the belly of a poor teenage peasant girl in an occupied country.  At a time when there were no hospitals or antibiotics.  Where there was no welfare system.  And where the local mad King put out an edict to slaughter all the baby boys.    Risky??    Just a little bit.   

How many things could have gone wrong during that pregnancy, that birth?    Poor Kate has been in hospital being violently ill during the first weeks of her precious first pregnancy.   Maybe that was Mary too.  Mother of a royal baby and a future King, but without any of the attendant luxuries of private hospital and medicines and saline drips to keep her going.   

Of course Mary didn't have any of the attendant hoo ha that poor Kate and William have had to deal with.  No hoax phone calls and suicides.  We really should be praying for Wills and Kate you know, they have it hard, they are in the front line and the enemy fights dirty.   We need to be praying for this baby - for God's protection and blessing and anointing on him or her.

And praying that this Christmas in particular, as they attend church services and hear the gospel message that more of the truth will resonate with them as they consider the incarnation.   This Christmas, Kate will identify more than at any time in her life with that young girl in Nazareth who found herself carrying a King.

Lord Jesus

At this time of year we once again stop to marvel at the fact that you took on human flesh and came to live among us as a man.  To show us the nature and character of God.   But You chose to come as a baby, a foetus, an embryo in the womb.  You did not just leave heaven to become a man, but you left every known security to become as vulnerable and helpless and dependent as it is possible to be.

Thank you that you understand what it is to be human.  Thank you that you have been a baby in the womb like William and Kate's baby.  Like the babies in my church.  Thank you that you value those tiny lives so much.   We pray today for Kate and her baby and ask that you would keep them safe.  Place your hand upon this royal child and  form him or her completely and perfectly.  Settle the sickness and strengthen Kate to manage the rest of this pregnancy with the eyes of the world upon her.   Bless them as a family and speak to them this Christmas time about the miracle of the incarnation.

That future kings and queens of this country may be Godly prophetic leaders in their generation.  Amen

Dec 9th

Here is Love Vast as the Ocean

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8YOPj5TnUM

Just back from a ladies weekend away with the church.   There were only a few of us there but we had a surprisingly good time.
During worship we sang this old chestnut.  And I have to admit it's one of those that has been sung to death and I was sort of just going through the motions until we got to the last line

Kissed a guilty world in love

We sang those words over and over again.  And each time we sang them I had a stronger impression of God reaching down to kiss us with such tender and understanding love even though we were guilty. I could just sense love. LOVE.  That love which sees exactly who we are and what we have done, knows what we deserve but loves us anyway.   And doesn't just love us in theory, but reaches out to kiss us.

Someone once explained that relationships have a scale of touching.   We don't touch people we don't know.  Those we might know slightly perhaps get a touch on an arm or a pat on the back.   As we know someone better we might feel able to touch their hand.   Touching someone's head is affectionate - we ruffle hair of our children as a sign of our love.   Touching someones face is reserved for those we love and with whom we are intimate.   And kissing someone on the face is the most intimate form of touching.

God kisses our guilty world.  And at Christmas time we ponder the mystery of that beautiful, tender, vulnerable expression of love for us.   A baby in a manger.  Heaven's kiss.  Jesus.

And what is our response to being kissed tenderly by a loving Father?  Is it not to kiss Him right back??

 In the Hebrew Old Testament, the primary word for worship means "to bow down in reverence and submission." And in the New Testament, the most common Greek word for worship ( proskuneo) means "to come forward to kiss."  Between those two—or combining both—lies our best approach to God.  ( Matt Redman - Soul Survivor)

Lord, 

It is good to be kissed.  By spouse or parent or child or friend.  It makes us feel loved and special and valuable.   But it is even better to be kissed by You.   Thank you for sending Jesus to make a way for us to come directly into your presence.   Thank you that You long to spend time with us, to get to know us, to touch us, reassure us, guide us and kiss us.   Thank you that You are not a God who keeps us at a distance, but You invite us to run to You, to throw ourselves upon You and to worship You with kisses.    Help us to love You as You love us.